Friday, 18 January 2008

And the Winner Is . . .

Time is winging it's way on and we are making some very half hearted preparations for going back to the UK.

I have typed up my CV and sent it to half a dozen temp agencies. This has had me thinking about my career history. History as someone famous who's name I can't remember said is "one damn thing after another". My CV is just one damn job after another. So here's some of my career highlights that I couldn't fit in.

Most boring job - This is a huge field but I think I sank to an all time low as a receptionist on a reception that no one ever came into. I was so bored that I sat seeing how much I could move before the movement detector on the alarm system detected me and not just the once either.

Most Difficult Job - I don't mean to sound big headed when I say that I haven't really found many jobs difficult. Sure there have been difficult moments like telling a woman to stop e-mailing the young man she was paying to have sex with her and do some work and other such disciplinary stuff. Generally though I set the bar on my ambitions low and skipped over it. So it came as something as a surprise when I couldn't manage it at it's lowest. I had a temp job making sandwiches. The kind of sandwiches that come in plastic wedges. But hey at least I got to wear a white coat (and a hair net and wellies and rubber gloves) My role in this critical operation was to put slices of cucumber on as they whizzed past on the production line. I was crap. I just didn't have it when it came to cucumbering sandwiches and either missed them completely or had to chase them down the factory. To my eternal shame I got moved to a less demanding role.

Most Embarrassing Moment - You can decide
Walking out of a meeting room and into cupboard while everyone else was still sitting round the table.
Getting the giggles (serious ones with tears and everything)and not being able to stop while everyone else is having a really serious conversation about installing an automatic disabled toilet being a "really big job".
Having your mobile play the Laurel & Hardy tune while the CEO is talking about the company's goals for the coming year

Most Exciting Job - I live in hope


Kitt said...

"A really big job." *snort* Was it No. 1 on the priority list or No. 2?

Great list. Hope the job hunt is a success!

Breezy said...

Oh don't Kitt! The more I tried to regain my professional aplomb the worse I got

Anonymous said...

job to do before leaving i have changed my mind about the choc 2bars with rasp or cherry 2 with ginger if poss if not a bar of extreme brut
yours martin
ps if you do this for me i will get you some decent coffee if you fail i will purchase it from netto
have a safe journey see you tuesday night allow plenty of time to catch the train as i cannot remember a time when youved travelled and caught it

aims said...

Breezy girl - all were great! They made me laugh...good luck getting another - seriously!

Breezy said...

You are weak my brother who was turning who to the dark side? OK lovely chocolate for decent coffee PLUS a chicken tandoori pizza (small) to warm up when we get there. For this is your test can you walk into Posh Nosh my brother and resist the dark side of the force?

Aims Thank you. I'll no doubt keep you updated

SpiralSkies said...

Loved the image you conjure up of your cucumber-chasing antics.

One of my previous employers almost got me arrested as an accessory to fraud. Sigh.

Am sooo looking forward to hearing about your japes in Blighty :)


Breezy said...

Jen I sooo hoping there are some japes in Blighty. If not well I'll just make some up

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Ah you sound sad but resigned to coming back home to earn the spondooliks. Happy new year to you and I hope you earn lots quickly so you can return back to nirvana to spend an almost idyllic summer. Just caught up with your blog - a marvellous read as ever.

Glad to see you have those chickens holed up nice and securely but you must miss the exercize chasing around rural France trying to round them up after their latest great escape caper. Good luck and fine times when you are at home in Blighty.

Breezy said...

Hi MOB great to see you out and about again. As from this afternoon the chickens are Debra's problem and unfortunately what to do with all those yummy fresh eggs. Yup I am resigned might as well get the most possible out of the trip after all who is going to pay Mrs I Don't Want To Be Here Mardy Pants lots of Spondooliks (ages since I heard that!)

travelling, but not in love said...

Hey Breezy.

I like this post, it made me laugh a lot.

Especially the motion sensors. Imagine if you'd been caught on CCTV doing that? fabulous.

My worst job was de-scaling fish while the boys I worked with sucked on the eyeballs. Disgraceful.

And the most embarassing moment? Laughing so much in a board meeting that I farted. Loudly. And it was malodorous too. The shame.

I look forward to hearing how the job hunting goes....


Breezy said...

TBNIL Oh no CCTV you've added a whole new dimension to the motion sensor thing.
Did they minute the fart?

Whilst I'm here I'll just say that ANYTHING Us In France has to say about this evening is a total fabrication. Not that anything happened you understand and I did not embarass (? spell check please) myself at all. As for the broken plates and the throwing of drinks some big boys did it and ran away

pecheur said...


Thanks for stopping by at my place.

I hope the job hunt goes well. From my few UK friends I've met around here, they say it is so stinking hard to go back to the UK because of the economy and stuff.

Wishing you well.

Anonymous said...

to all your friends who comment on this site dont worry they will return older wiser and hopefully richer and probably before i get the gas bill (they dont call him four bar arnold for nowt)

yours martin (the landlord)

Rowan said...

Hope you have some seriously waterproof clothing for your return to the UK - it doesn't seem to have stopped raining for the last couple of weeks! Hope you find work while you are here too.

Breezy said...

Hi Pechur
I would hate to think I had to go back for good but luckily we can dip in and out and stay rent free with my brother

Martin Yes we'll definately have to skip before the gas bill comes. It's the novelty you see turn the knob and the flames come on no wood cutting etc

Honestly Rowan you haven't seen rain till you've seen it come down here but we are enjoying something of a false spring at the moment.

Elizabeth said...

I feel so sorry for you having to go back to the UK. If I could give you a job, I would - honest. The fact that I haven't earned any money for 4 months is complicating things for us too but hopefully things will take off in the next couple of months.

Try to enjoy England (and the currys you're going to eat) and we look forward to seeing you back here soon x

Breezy said...

I'll hold you to that when you are selling houses hand over fist! Which you are bound to do soon since you have built up such a good portfolio over the last four months, know your stuff, give an excellent service and of course have a stunning web site :)

Wooly Works said...

I read about your dinner fiasco on Debra's blog, so here I am visiting you. Fun blog written by someone who apparently takes life very lightly and in your stride. I like that! Good luck with the job hunt. I hope you find something challenging and satisfying.

Breezy said...

Hi Wooly Works thanks for visiting. Challenging and satisfying would be nice but I'll settle for lots of money (or some money even)