Yesterday. It was raining. Our septic tank appeared to be full.
We were depressed.
TS bravely tackled the grease trap but no noticeable improvement and a great deal more smellyness were the only results.
I emailed some friends to ask them who had emptied their tank and how much it cost. They came back with a depressing figure of £225 euros 4 years ago. We were more depressed. So we shut the window on the stinky side of the house, opened the window on the lavender side and had some lunch.
Then the aforementioned friends called by "Had we sorted it out?" No we were depressed so we were watching an episode of Lexx and hoping it would all go away.
Diagrams were drawn and septic tank systems discussed and inevitably the discussion moved to the garden where we all stood and looked at the hatch of the offending and offensive fosse. Trying to breathe through our mouths.
The looking turned into poking about with a spade and the suggestion that the outflow could be blocked and the pipe should be followed to it's conclusion. Some hours and several deep holes later the pipe was traced to the hedge at the bottom of the garden but we just couldn't find it on the other side. Although we did find quite a lot of a Citroen (roof, windscreen, bonnet).
The next stage was to drill a hole in the pipe so that rods could be stuck in to clear any blockage and hopefully show where the exit was. After a volcanic eruption of whatever all over the tomatoes (pizza anyone?). The end was in sight. It was then simply a matter of clearing a channel for the liquid to flow on into the woods.
Friends. They get you out of the shit.