If you go down to the woods today

I dare you to look at the full size image!

Have we been watching too much Sci Fi ? Is that why we got the feeling that if we leant in too close it would reach up and grab us? Or maybe it did and now we are being controlled and seeking to infect others.

We think it's an Octopus Stinkhorn, a kind of fungus. It was there in all it's gory glory this morning and already by the time this picture was taken something had eaten a bit of this one and the other one a few yards away was gone entirely.

They are supposed to be edible if disagreeable. I think I'll stick to button mushrooms in a plastic punnet thank you.

Flaming June Get Your Act Together

Flaming June continues to be anything but in our neck of the woods. Still from what I can gather I would have been worse off in Leeds regarding humidity.

A trek down to The Woods That Legend Spake Of (spooky music) has revealed this tree fruiting away. Some kind of crab apple? or something else altogether ?

Plus a handful of cherry trees round the edge so a bit of sun and who knows they might even ripen. The lack of sun is really getting a bit beyond a joke now. We never expected to be lighting the woodburner past the middle of May. I take solice from the fact that I could be queuing in the rain on the M62 instead of getting splattered with chopped up bits of slug when I am out wielding the strimmer.

The crap weather has brought out the books (sod the DIY) and I am perusing recipes for stuff that can be cooked at gas mark inferno, homebrew things to try, in fact generally having a day of planning to do stuff. It's kind of like winter.

Hellooo Again We Smells Like Lords and Ladies

We have been cut off from the outside world but today France Telecom man came out and fixed a fault at the exchange and in the box at the side of the house so we are fully functioning in the telecommunications department once more. The lovely Elizabeth (from Agence BMI who we bought the house from) persuaded them at last that yes there really was a problem.





So I bet you think we've got plumbing by now with no distractions? well after much effing and blinding we have the shower cubicle fully assembled and the toilet and a base unit for the kitchen sink so any time now we'll be there.





But we have had distractions too cos tomorrow is chicken market day so Tech Support was pulled off the plumbing to get on with Chateau La Chook an historical and quaintly rustic construction with parts dating back to 1937. Oh yes we found a bed base in the barn with a frame just the right sort of size to make a chicken house base. It was stuffed with straw and a 1937 newspaper unfortunately they hadn't stashed the family treasure there too but you can't have everything.

Monsieur next door says the chickens will eat up our veggies but no we say we will have a barrier which luckily is the word for fence if you say it in your best Pink Panther impression. In fact this applies to many words (especially the ones ending tion our neighbour Ian says) anyway it's always worth a try if you're stuck for a word and you're not proud. It's much better to say something I find even if it's nonsense or English than to say nothing.

We had a confusing time tonight. We had just got back from the local tabac which also sells bread, magazines, plants, groceries in fact its like Arkwright's Open All Hours but with beer and a restaurant too. Anyway Joel pulled up and asked if we had the plan (of our land) and indicated that we needed to go off in the car with him which we did. He drove us to a big house at the top of the village where he discussed the plan and our bits of land in great detail with a lady there who clearly knew who owned everything in the area (her mainly). Then he took us to our smallest (400 square metres) and last bit of unseen land which is a small patch of oak trees and a spring. Again it was a case of tromping through fields and under and over barbed wire with Tech Support in the front in his boots in case of serpents as Joel realised he only had his slippers on halfway across the field. Why it was necessary to suddenly do this we still don't know as there was much talk about the various plots and the spring seemed quite important. At one point it seemed like a swap was being talked about. Ah well I suppose it will all become clear in the fullness of time but I'd really rather hang on to oak trees and a spring.

The plant in the picture we think we've identified as Lords and Ladies it's on the path in the woods and it really stinks, apparently to attract flies to pollinate it. Nuff said

Saturday we May Come Clean

Yes we're still doing the plumbing. Who would of thought it could take this long? After all there are only two sinks a shower and a toilet, it's hardly the Hilton. The trouble is we just can't seem to get down to it there is so much else going on for instance walks in the woods to check out the flora and fauna and to be amazed that we're here and that it's so beautiful.

Not to mention checking out the progress of the veg at least twice a day. It needs twice a day as the beans popped up all at once this afternoon. The photo is of the peas and sweetcorn though and the resident photographer was too impatient for me to lift up the plastic on the cloche so you could see them in all their glory.

Today though we did do plumbing and now the pipes have progressed to the bathroom to be. It did need yet another trip to Mr Bricolage and Castorama but we are quite confident that we now have all the bits probably.

All that's left is to attach the pipes to aforementioned sinks shower and toilet and we will have plumbing. That's after we've built units for the sinks and a plinth for the shower. The work of a moment surely.

Who knows Saturday night could be bath night!

(Not a f*king hope the resident plumber says)

The Woods that Legend Spake Of

We have solved one of the great mysteries of our lives. We have found The Woods That Legend Spake Of!

When we bought the house the previous owners chucked in about one and a half acres of sapins (pine trees). Up to press these have been a coloured in F shaped block on the plan cadastral. We have made forays down the lane that leads there but it peters out into a mess of barbed wire and bramles. The little plots that look so clear on the plan are nothing like on the ground. We have always referred to the missing plot as "The Wood That Legend Spake Of"

So Monday tea time Lawrence was once again chewing over the plan but it was hot I was knackered from moving bricks AND I had a poorly thumb. Then he outmanouvered me. He spotted Joel our next door neighbours' son and rushed out to greet him saying something like "Hello Joel How are you? Isn't it hot? Land ours (jabbing at the plan) me no find you know? You help?"

Joel agreed and led us off down the lane plan in hand pointing at landmarks and the plan. I can tell you he set a right old pace while we trotted along behind him gasping out the odd oui, non and daccord hopefully in the right places.

At the spot where the path disappeared he led us over barbed wire (just the right height to be embarrassing) and down a field pointing out where the chemin "track" should be. Then we were there! THE WOODS THAT LEGEND SPAKE OF. The bits around it belonged to Joel, his mother and his father and Voisine was obviously really important and the numbers on the plan but Voisine knew and Voisine was the key to it all although it was very complicated.

We did a complete circuit while Joel pointed out the bits of rotten fence post, rusty wire and broken down walls that marked our boundaries. Like all legends the woods did not quite live up to their reputation. They were mainly horizontal due to some great trombe or trompette or something, obviously something windy as the few trees that were standing had had their tops ripped off at about twenty feet high. Or maybe it was the dragons. (que X files music).

So we will be self sufficient in firewood next winter and blackberry jam.

And Voisine? that means neighbour another mystery that was resolved when we found the dictionary, which we really should carry with us at all times. It was very complicated but Joel could take us straight to our land as he could tell from the plot numbers that we were neighbours.

Bodging and Badgering

I started to browse about the panels for the raised beds and via green woodworking ,which was a pretty useful bit of info on the BTCV web site, I came across bodging which is polelathe turning. If I'm honest I have come across it before in Ben Law's book The Woodland Way and I think I may have to give it a go.

No not just because of the name, although I will admit that is a major attraction I think Bodger would look good on a business card for instance, but because of the great stuff these people are making on a piece of machinery that you can make yourself. And they are making them out of what would essentially be scrap wood.

There are bowls, toys, candle holders, little boxes loads more things than I could imagine being made on a lathe. Not that I do a lot of imagining about lathes as such.

Badgering? no nothing about that I just wanted it in the title.

Bed raising, Self sufficiency the musical

I know it's spring and this is an autumnal picture but I just like it. I took it at the fishing lake at St Sornin-Leulac when we were house hunting. I cropped the right hand side to get rid of Techsupport's bum. (he was bending over to pick up chestnuts)

Although I'm stll thinking about vegetables and the raised beds. In fact I sketched it all out again today but I've still not got it all staight in my mind what's going where. These thoughts have led me to thinking about trees and woodland due to thinking about where to get the wood for the raising of said raised beds.

Mmm perhaps we can have a bed raising sort of like a barn raising, but for people with limited DIY skills who don't like ladders. There could be food and checked shirts and slapping of thighs and everything.

There is lots of wood in the barn but Techsupport says it might be useful for some other project like building the kitchen or a table.

I'm cooking up the idea of some sort of woven panels. The stakes could be chestnut which apparently is good for that kind of thing as it does not rot quickly and we have lots of chestnut so that's score 1 for self sufficiency. We also have hazel and bamboo but the question is can they be used freshly cut for the in and out bits of the weave. I can see the advantage if they could because they would be more flexible so that would be self sufficiency 2 points.

On the down side I imagine that it would take an awful long time to weave 150m even if it was only six inches high. Minus 1 point for defeatism. So I'm going to take a break from the veg and tootle off to do some browsing on t'internet and see if the books that go in to that sort of thing are here or in France.

I suppose I'll also have to do some washing as the washing fairy hasn't been calling much of late.